“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I have a heart-on for you.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You’re my heartthrob.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
