Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I have a heart-on for you.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.