I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I have a heart-on for you.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
