What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I have a heart-on for you.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
You’re my heartthrob.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.