The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You’re my heartthrob.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I have a heart-on for you.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.