Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
We're donion rings.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
You look like my future ex wife.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
We should make like your parents and split.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
You are so right. And I am so left.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.