I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
"It's not me, it's you!"
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
You look like my future ex wife.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
I think we need to become better strangers.