Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
We should make like your parents and split.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying