I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
I think we need to become better strangers.
You look like my future ex wife.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
I really like you. So does my wife.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
We're donion rings.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
You looked better when I was drunk.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.