Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.