Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
I wanna bob for your apples.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
There’s no trick in these pants.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.