My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Nice pumpkins!
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
I wanna bob for your apples.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?