I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I wanna bob for your apples.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.