My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".