I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!