Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.