Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.