What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”