Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
