Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.