"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
I think we need to become better strangers.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"My cat doesn't like you."
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
I think we need to become better strangers.