Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
You are so right. And I am so left.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
"It's not me, it's you!"
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
I think we need to become better strangers.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
You looked better when I was drunk.
We should make like your parents and split.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.