What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.