What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
