Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
