Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile