I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
