Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.