Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
