Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.