What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.