What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...