Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
