If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...
I'd have 60% gross margins.
If I had a nickel for every time my wife forgot to unplug her curling iron, I still wouldn't have a house.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me young...
I could buy a lollipop.
Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a nickel for every time I told a funny joke...
I would be Nickeless Cage.
If I had a nickel for every time my roommate stole from me, he would have an extra $50.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
If I had a nickel for every time I received a nickel, I would have an infinite amount of nickels.
If I had a nickel for every time I've said "I'll never drink again," I'd have just enough for a 12-case.
If I had a nickel for every nickel I have... Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
If I had a nickel for every time someone forgot my name, I would be the first billionaire known as “man” or “fella.”
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought I was ugly, they would find me attractive.
If I had a nickel for every time my wife says that I spend money on frivolous things, I would have enough money to buy miniature golf clubs for my shower caddy.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it and so far, I've made $20!"
A woman got up and out of bed and stretched and a penny fell out of her privates.
She thought it was odd but kept on with her morning routine.
She went to put on a pot of coffee and a nickel fell out of her privates. She was concerned but continued her morning routine.
She drank her coffee and went to brush her teeth when a dime fell out of her privates. She really was getting concerned and thought to herself, "if anything else happens, I'm calling the doctor!".
She got dressed and started to tidy up the house, and a quarter fell out of her privates and rolled down her pant leg.
Concerned, she called her doctor. She told him.....a penny, a nickel, a dime an then a quarter.
"No need to worry," He said "you're just going through the change."
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