Frenchman Jokes

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Russian all end up in hell. The Frenchman begs to make one last call home to see how his family is coping. The devil says, "Fine, it’ll cost you an extra thousand years in the flames." The Frenchman agrees, and tearfully listens to his wife sleeping with his brother. The Italian begs to call home to see how his daughters are doing. "That’ll be an extra thousand years in the flaming pit." says the devil. "So be it." says the Italian, and weeps as he listens to his children selling the farm. "Now I want to call home," says the Russian, and grabs the receiver. He hears his neighbors robbing his house and hangs up in disgust. "How many years is that?" he asks the devil. "None." Says the devil. "How dare you? shouts the Russian, "You took a thousand agonizing years off that Frenchie and the Italiano, what’s wrong? Is my pain not good enough for you?" "No, no," says the devil, "it's just that local calls are free."

An Englishman, a German, and a Frenchman were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze, when all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for this terrible crime they were all sentenced to 50 whip lashes each. On the day of their punishment the Sheikh who was going to whip them announced: "It's my wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 20 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 35 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a part of the world I really like. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 50, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. Would you like pillows as well?" The Englishman smiled and said, "Nah, just tie the Frenchman and the German to my back."

An English, Irish and French soldiers are caught fighting as mercenaries in a foreign land. As prisoners of war, the judge sentences each to 12 months of solitary confinement, but to show he is fair, he will give them each a year's supply of a luxury item of their choosing. He asks the Englishman what he wants. He says: 'I'll have some of the finest English Gin!' The judge agrees and sends a years of Gin into his cell. Next the Irishman: 'I'll have to go with the finest Irish Whiskey' The Judge agrees and sends in a years supply of 12yo. Irish Whiskey He asks the Frenchman what he wants and he replies: 'I'll have a case of the finest French cigarettes' The judge orders in a case of the finest French cigarettes he can get. The three prisoners are sent into their cells with their chosen comforts and locked for a year with only meals being sent under the door. After the 12 months is up, the judge returns to release the POWs. He opens the door to the Englishman's cell and the Englishman hobbles out and says: 'I'm finally free'. before falling down dead and dying of alcohol poisoning. They head to the Irishman cell and open it and out scuffles the Irishman and says: 'Free at last'. takes a few steps, straightens himself and keeps walking slowly towards freedom. The Judge turns to the Frenchman's cell and opens the door. The Frenchman looks horrible. He takes a few shaky steps forward, raises his hands and pleads: 'Please... PLEASE... Does anyone have a light?!?'

Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane. During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute. The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute. The American downed a glass of bourbon, said "For freedom!" and jumped without the parachute. The Scotsman downed a glass of whiskey, said "For Scotland!" and threw the Englishman.