Congressman Jokes

The Robbery It was a late one night in Washington D.C, when a well dressed man went out to smoke in an alley behind a bar. As he was smoking, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped out from behind a dumpster and pointed a gun at him. "Give me all your money!" he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You canโ€™t do this โ€“ Iโ€™m a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
Who Has the Fastest Dad? Three kids are talking about their fathers and comparing them. First kid says: "My dad is the fastest. Heโ€™s a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds." Second kid says: "Thatโ€™s nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound." Third kid says: "My dad is faster than both your dads! Heโ€™s a congressman. He finishes work at 4 oโ€™clock but is always home by lunchtime."
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