Centipede Jokes

Whatโ€™s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athleteโ€™s foot.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
The Perfect Pet A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, โ€œCome on, a dog?โ€ The owner says, โ€œHow about a cat?โ€ The man replies, โ€œNo way! A cat certainly canโ€™t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!โ€ The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, โ€œIโ€™ve got it! A centipede!โ€ The man says, โ€œA centipede? I canโ€™t imagine a centipede doing anything, but okayโ€ฆ Iโ€™ll try a centipede.โ€ He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, โ€œClean the kitchen.โ€ Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen andโ€ฆ itโ€™s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The counter-tops have been cleaned and the appliances are sparkling. Even the floor was waxed. Heโ€™s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, โ€œGo clean the living room.โ€ Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed, the furniture cleaned and dusted and the pillows on the sofa plumped. It even watered the plants. The man thinks to himself, โ€œThis is the most amazing thing Iโ€™ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!โ€ Next he says to the centipede, โ€œRun down to the corner and get me a newspaper.โ€ The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes laterโ€ฆno centipede. 20 minutes laterโ€ฆ no centipede. 30 minutes laterโ€ฆ no centipede. By this point the man is wondering whatโ€™s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes laterโ€ฆ still no centipede! He canโ€™t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? S o he goes to the front door, opens itโ€ฆand thereโ€™s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, โ€œHey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. Whatโ€™s the matter??!!โ€ โ€œIโ€™m goinโ€™! Iโ€™m goinโ€™! Iโ€™m just puttingโ€™ on my shoes!โ€
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