Beginning Jokes

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Upholding Standards It was the beginning of a new academic year at the college, and the freshmen were beginning to arrive. The job of introducing the newcomers to their new surroundings belonged to the Dean of Women. During the opening speech of the lecture, the Dean saw fit to bring up the subject of sexual morality, in line with the college's conservative values. She asked the freshmen: "In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" The freshmen half-heartedly muttered in agreement, and the lecture went on without interruption. At the end of the lecture, the Dean decided to ask the freshmen if they had any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said: "How do you make it last for a whole hour??"
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
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