What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
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