Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
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