Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.