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Wish Jokes

Tableware Puns
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Mermaid Puns
Wish upon a starfish.
Strawberry Puns
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Movie Pick Up Lines
"Hey baby, you look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!"
- Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Yard Puns
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
Wish Upon a Star
This is a story of a young boy who lived with his mom and dad. One day, Mom and the Dad get into an argument and file for a divorce. Mom gets to keep the kid, while Dad takes his stuff and leave. Before going to bed, the boy sees a shooting star in the sky and wishes for his mom and dad to be back together again. The next morning, the boy goes downstairs to see his mother and father are back together and are happy with each other. The boy, however, isn't happy but confused. He takes one good look at his father, goes to the Mom and whispers to her, "Who's this guy?"
Mall Pick Up Lines
I just tossed a penny into the fountain, want to make my wish come true?
Language Pick Up Lines
Can you do sign language?
I wish I knew how to sign because I don't think any spoken words can describe how beautiful you are.
I wish I was a pronoun so I could be the direct object of your affection!
Fairy Puns
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
The Old Lady and Her Wishes
A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction. As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by its possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck! The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.” The woman, astounded, thinks for a moment and says “Age has taken its toll on me. I wish to be young and beautiful once more.” BAM! In a sudden flash the old woman emerged, a ravishing young woman. Thrilled by her success the woman says “Genie, I want to live a life of grandeur! To be rich!” BAM! With a snap of the genie's fingers, the room swirled and transformed into a great hall. Her once broken cottage had become a mansion. Upon looking down the woman noticed her worn clothing had been replaced with a stunning dress, and shining heels. While she marveled at this outcome the genie stood solemnly. “You have one wish left.” he thundered. The woman thought about this for a while and then felt a slight brush against her leg. It was her old cat, frightened by the building's transformation. The woman looked up at the genie and said “This cat has been faithfully with me for all my years. Please, transform him into a human man, so that we may spend many happy days together!” BAM! In a blinding flash the cat had vanished. Standing in his place was a tall, dark-haired, handsome young man. Immediately enamored by her new love, the woman fell into his arms. The genie, his work complete, disappeared. As she gazed into his eyes, he drew her close and whispered... “I bet you wish you hadn't had me fixed.”
Space Pick Up Lines
I wish I were your integral so I could fill the space beneath your curves
I wish I were Castiel so I could have everything in your personal space.
Pea Puns
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Cherry Puns
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
The Government Employee
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he's never seen before. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie suddenly appeared. "Noble sir," he thundered. "You have three wishes you may ask of me." "Alright," said the government clerk. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.