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Weird Jokes

Mouth Puns
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Deodorant Puns
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Ancient Egypt Puns
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Radio Puns
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Art Puns
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

- Jr. Williams.
Funny Animal Quotes
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”

- Weird Science.
Fly Puns
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem
Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! I haven't even offered you coffee." So she gets up and gets the coffee. Some time later, old Mary says: "How foolish of me! I haven't even offered you coffee." So again she gets the coffee. Half an hour later, the scene repeats for the third time. Finally the two ladies say goodbye. "Mary is acting really weird, don't you think?" says the first one. "All the time we spent there, she hasn't even offered us coffee!". The second one looks at her in amazement: "What? You've been to see Mary, and you haven't even invited me??"
Tableware Puns
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Friendship Quotes
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown
“If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.”
— Unknown
Lamp Puns
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Theater Puns
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Marriage Puns
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.