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Take Jokes

Drugstore Pick Up Lines
Can I take your temperature? You’re looking hot today.
Are you an Advil? Cause I'd like to take you every 2-4 hours.
Upholding Standards
It was the beginning of a new academic year at the college, and the freshmen were beginning to arrive. The job of introducing the newcomers to their new surroundings belonged to the Dean of Women. During the opening speech of the lecture, the Dean saw fit to bring up the subject of sexual morality, in line with the college's conservative values. She asked the freshmen: "In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" The freshmen half-heartedly muttered in agreement, and the lecture went on without interruption. At the end of the lecture, the Dean decided to ask the freshmen if they had any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said: "How do you make it last for a whole hour??"
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.
Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Christian Pick Up Lines
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
I take romance to a new level - I don't cuddle, I hibernate.
Hey, let me take you out on a first date in the snow - I promise I'm not a flaky person.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
Clothes Pick Up Lines
Take off those blue suede shoes and let's shake rattle n roll!
Hey baby, I just found out our shirts were manufactured in unfair working conditions; let's take them off.
Take off your shirt, I want to be closer to your heart.
Classic Pick Up Lines
Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you’re hot!
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
If you were a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers, I would take you home.
The Wise Decision
Johan and Eric, two computer geeks with little social experience, ran into each other at the college entrance. "That's a great bike you have there! What made you get it?" Eric asked Johan. Johan got off the bike, removed his helmet and responded: "I didn't purchase it, Andrea gave it to me as a gift." "As a GIFT?!" Eric exclaimed in surprise, "I always knew she was into you, but this is taking it to a whole new level!" Johan smiled and told him: "Yesterday I was strolling in the park and I saw Andrea on this bike. She came to me without saying anything, tossed the bike aside, then took off all her clothes and said 'Take whatever you want!'" Eric's jaw was hanging loose. "So, I took the bike." Johan finished. Eric nodded in agreement and stated: "Good decision, her clothes wouldn't fit you."