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Surely Jokes

Shower Puns
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Romantic Pick Up Lines
If looks could kill you, you’d surely be a weapon of mass destruction.
Funny Birthday Poems
I have known you quite a while,
When you talk, you make me smile.
A special friend, I will probably keep,
If you buy me a cool jeep.

It’s your birthday, I nearly forgot,
Searched on-line, bought you squat.
Hope you don’t turn all bitter,
Since you’ve never been a quitter.

I nearly quit, writing this verse,
Mind is blank, it’s a curse,
Soon your party will be here,
If I wake up, I’ll surely appear.

(Martin Dejnicki)
Theater Puns
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
Space Puns
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
The Untrained Maid
Around the beginning of the 20th century, a society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems she's having a dinner party that night and her maid quit. The guy in the agency explains that all the girls he has right now have just gotten off the boat from Ireland. They're untrained. The lady says she'll train the girl but needs someone right away. The agency man asks for volunteers and Molly comes forward. She agrees to go and be trained. Well, the dinner party comes and goes and, although some of the guests seemed to disappear now and then, everything works out just fine. Molly does a great job. The next morning, the lady's walking down the upstairs hall and sees Molly in one of the guest rooms. Looks like she's making the bed but she's just standing there. Curious, the woman walks in and looks over Molly's shoulder. There on the bed lies a condom. The lady turns bright red and tries to laugh it off. "Why Molly," she says, "Surely you have those in Ireland, don't you?" Molly swallows nervously and says: "Surely we do madam, but we don't skin 'em!"
Funny Money Quotes
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
Sun Puns
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
One Liners and Short Jokes
After Stalin died, he met the angel of death. The angel explained to Stalin he can only send him to hell but he lets him to choose which hell.
"Do you prefer to burn in a capitalist hell or a communist hell?" It asks him.
I choose the communist one because there will surely be a shortage of coal.