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Stands Jokes

Jose the Tourist
A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he saved his money and went on a trip. He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience: "What happened?" asked his family. "Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and shouted to me: "Jose, can you see?"
Volleyball Puns
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Cowboy Jokes
My Wife is leaving me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
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Acowboy enters the saloon
"Who painted my horse blue??"

A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.

"It was me, you have a problem with that?"

"No...I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating."
Yard Puns
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
Kangaroo Puns
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Taco Puns
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Panda Puns
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Funny Limericks
There is a young schoolboy named Mason,
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
When he stands in one place,
With a scarf round his face,
It's a mystery which way he’s facing.
One Liners and Short Jokes
Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton decided to play a game of hide and seek.
Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting.
Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes a chalk and marks a 1m×1m square on the floor and stands in it.
"Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein exclaims while he opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing out in the open and says "Haha, I found you Newton!"
Newton replies "No, you found Pascal."
A Chinese Guy stands next to me in a bar and starts drinking

I asked him: "Do you know any of those martial arts like Ju jitsu, or Kung Fu?"

"Why do you ask, is it because I'm Chinese?"

"No it's because you're drinking my beer."
Dog Puns
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Monster Puns
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.