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Stage Jokes

One Liners and Short Jokes
I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me....
I'll return.
Zombie Puns
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Spain Puns
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
A Blonde Interview
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" He asks. The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 25!" The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie". The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Oh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"
Crow Puns
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Band Puns
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Color Puns
Q. Which famous magician always wore a multi-color suit on stage?
A. Hue-dini.
Medieval Puns
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Theater Puns
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Funny Birthday Poems
Birthdays are sometimes hard to observe
Many people think they are for the birds.
Well, when I look at your age
I can see why you are at that stage.

Where did the years go
Another birthday, oh no
It only seemed like yesterday
We celebrated your birthday.

Oh who cares about age
Don't let it discourage
Be happy and just say
It is just another day!

(Catherine Pulsifer)
Funny Parenting Quotes
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”

- Dave Barry.