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Salad Jokes

Toxic Pick Up Lines
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Pea Puns
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
The Farmer and the Pig Food
A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around". The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The next day another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies: "Oh the pigs? Only the finest products sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses and hand picked salads!" The man is shocked, he says "Sir, that food is way too rich for them, they'll get sick! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The third day another man approaches the farmer again and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves."
Food Pick Up Lines
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Fridge Puns
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Tableware Puns
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Onion Puns
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Food Poems
Bagels and baguettes
Bap or fried bake,
The fruits of the flour
are easy to make

Chollah, chapatti,
Cinnamon bun.
These global delights,
make eating such fun.

Filled with Caribbean sweet meat
like Guava jam,
Scottish smoked salmon;
Or Danish roast ham.

Add a fresh fruit salad,
Some sparkling wine,
A candle, red roses and
you’re ready to dine.

(Joanna Davis)
Strawberry Puns
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Garden Quotes
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
Grass Puns
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.