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Other Jokes

Yard Puns
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
Funny Health Quotes
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
Literary Pick Up Lines
Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other.
Friendship Quotes
"True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together."
— Emilie Saint-Genis
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
Garden Quotes
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
Food Quotes
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles