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Need Jokes

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
Halloween Pick Up Lines
No costume? Oh you lucky girl, you don’t need Halloween. You look like an angel every day.
Drugstore Pick Up Lines
I need an Imodium because I can't hold in my love for you.
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Careful of that Earl Grey, it’s super hot! Oh wait, you don’t need to worry. It’s not as hot as you.
Mall Pick Up Lines
Hey I need a female opinion - what do you think would look better on me, this or this?
Are you good at finding things? Because I think you may have found my heart. Also, I don't know which zone I parked my car into so I need help with that too. Thanks!
Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines
Forget about pumpkin, you’re the only cutie pie I need.
Hey girl, if you were a turkey you'd only need minimal basting because you're already so juicy.
You’re the only (cutie) pie I need.
Clothes Pick Up Lines
Do you need new shoes?
Coz you've been running through my mind since the day I met you.
With long legs like yours, you don't need high heels.
The Weird Leg Noises
A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can." I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I need a date; do you know where I could find one?
Christian Pick Up Lines
I don't need Christmas lights, you're already shining so bright.
Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it.
Baby, we need to get together before Christmas, because you can't spell "love" with No-el.