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Life Jokes

Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been Rosey.
Are you a lexicographer? Because you make my life more meaningful.
Space Pick Up Lines
I need three things: The sun for the day, The moon for the night, and you for the whole life.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
Clothes Pick Up Lines
If I gave you my shoe, would you step into my life?
Mall Pick Up Lines
Did you know this mall has a movie theater? I just saw a preview of our life together. Looks pretty good!
What NASA Can't Do
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
Food Quotes
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
Literary Pick Up Lines
You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life.
Language Pick Up Lines
I may study semantics, but you're what gives my life meaning.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Without you, my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf.
I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer's day.
Calling the Doctor
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied: "I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS."