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Lemon Jokes

Tree Puns
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Orange Puns
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Twinkle Twinkle Funny Poems
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.
Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.
Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
(Cecilia L. Goodbody)
Lemon Puns
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Juice Puns
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Witch Puns
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
Father, I Must Confess My Sins
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
Mexican Pick Up Lines
We go together like Menudo and lemon.
Garden Puns
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Soap Puns
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Food Poems
You're old enough to know, my son,
It's really awfully rude
If someone speaks when both his cheeks
Are jammed and crammed with food.
Your mother asked you how you liked
the onions in the stew.
You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread
And mumbled, "Vewee goo."

Then when she asked you what you said,
You took a drink of milk,
And all that we could understand
Was, "Uggle gluggle skwilk."

And now you're asking me if you
Can have more lemon Jell-O.
Please listen carefully, "Yes, ifoo
Arstilla ungwy fello."

(Martin Gardner)