Clothes Jokes

If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
The Old Man and the Rain
An old man was walking in the desert with his donkey when he reached a village. The people welcomed him with everything they could, offering him hospitality, taking care of his donkey and feeding him. While having dinner, he was surprised to be offered camel milk, as it is of notoriously bad taste. He thus asked about it and was told that the village has been cursed with an everlasting drought, and that the people have resorted to saving however little water they could find for crops. "Truth be told, I am one of the wise.", he said, "I know how to bring you rain. However, you must first bring me a wide bucket full of water, for I need some to bring more." The next morning, all of the villagers heard of his saying, and started collecting every drop of water they still had in reserve. In the end, there was barely enough to qualify for a bucket, and they gave it to the man. He then took the water, and walked within his host's house. There, he took off his dirty clothes, and started washing them. A curious one of the kids saw him through the window, and went on to alert everyone around. By the time they arrived, angry and shouting, it was already too late. The old man has washed all his clothes and was calmly hanging them. "Shame! Shame on you, old man, for wasting our water when our kids don't have enough to drink!" growled the chief. But as soon as he finished speaking, the sky darkened as the clouds gathered around the village. It started raining and it did not stop for 5 days straight. People got their fill, and everyone's reserves were overflowing. The old man was treated as a guest of honor and a hero, and the chief apologized profusely for ever doubting him. Only when he was about to leave, had the kid gathered the courage to ask about how he did it. "It's simple," said the old man "this always happens when I hang my clothes to dry."
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What Do You WANT?
A man from Peru decided to visit America, although he spoke no English. Upon reaching it, one of the first thing he did was go into a department store. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines, (I want socks)" said the man. "I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines,(No I don't want suits, I want socks.)" said the man. "Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines, (No I don't want shirts, I want socks.)" repeated the man. "I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines,(No I don't want pants, I want socks)" insisted the man. As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sí que es (Now that's it)!" "Then why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!?" yelled the salesgirl.
Dear John...
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without). He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
They say this stuff makes clothes really soft. Want to come over and have a feel?
What is it like to get paid smoldering at the camera while wearing expensive clothes?
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
The Wise Decision
Johan and Eric, two computer geeks with little social experience, ran into each other at the college entrance. "That's a great bike you have there! What made you get it?" Eric asked Johan. Johan got off the bike, removed his helmet and responded: "I didn't purchase it, Andrea gave it to me as a gift." "As a GIFT?!" Eric exclaimed in surprise, "I always knew she was into you, but this is taking it to a whole new level!" Johan smiled and told him: "Yesterday I was strolling in the park and I saw Andrea on this bike. She came to me without saying anything, tossed the bike aside, then took off all her clothes and said 'Take whatever you want!'" Eric's jaw was hanging loose. "So, I took the bike." Johan finished. Eric nodded in agreement and stated: "Good decision, her clothes wouldn't fit you."
Why’d you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?
"We gotta get you out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini."
- Jay Chandrasekhar, Beerfest (2006)
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Hey, if you can’t take the heat, get out of your clothes.