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Butt Jokes

One Liners and Short Jokes
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk butt off the carousel.
The Man, the Camera and His Butt
These two guys are sat in their hospital beds having a little chat. The first guy asks the second, "What are you in for?" "Camera down the throat." the second guy replies. "Oh, endoscopy?" the first guy asks. The second guy says, "Yeah. Checking for stomach cancer. How about you?" "Camera up the butt" the first guy says. "Oh colonoscopy, checking for bowel cancer?" asks the second guy. The first guy says, "No, my neighbor was sunbathing and my wife caught me taking a photo."
Love Puns
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive.
Olive, who?
Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it!

I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it is just not as big. (wink wink where my curvy booties at?!)
Doctor Puns
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Is This Really Necessary?
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights. With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed on top of his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out. Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: "Don't go, this moron is so drunk he won't even feel me plucking a hair on his butt." The wife does exactly that and the husband doesn't move. Carl, now reassured, proceeds with the job. Half an hour later Ted moves a bit, and Carl is just about to freak out, the wife stops him and plucks another hair from his buttocks. Another hour later Carl is still going at it. After a while, just to be sure, he plucks another hair from Ted's butt. Ted then moves around a bit and mumbles: "Look man, I don't mind you screwing my wife, but do you really need to keep score on my bum?"
Puns
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
Toilet Puns
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious,
shove a foreign object up my butt and film the whole thing!
Or as my doctor insists on calling it... a colonoscopy
Fire Puns
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Roses are Red Violets are Blue Jokes
Roses are red,
Foxes are clever,
I like your butt,
Can I touch it forever?
Ice Cream Puns
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Funny Haiku
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
Anti Pick Up Lines
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Crocodile Puns
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
The Wife, the Grill and the Sausage
A man notices his wife's butt is getting big. I bet your butt is as big as my grill." He tells her. His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size. That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not tonight," says his wife. He asks her why not, to which she responds, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little wiener?"