Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
The ocean is big,
And also it is pretty,
Pretty freakin' wet.
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
If vampires can't see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That's shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?
- Paul Curtis
My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.
But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.
Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.
- by Samiya Vallee
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
Is everything wrong?
Are you the only one right?
Time to see a shrink.
A village somewhere in the Midlands
Was harassed by a bodiless dead man,
But sans charger or steed,
How could they, indeed,
Be afraid of a lone horseless headman?
- Jim Slaughter
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.
Shoe laces.
Must attack at once.
Didn't know that was you.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
In case of not being,
able to count up to seven,
you can use your fingers.
My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
Help, me I am trapped
In a haiku factory
save me, before they
Wanna go outside.
Oh NO! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
It’s here again
That day we all dread
When once more
We fear the rise of the dead
But fear not
Our salvation is at hand
We shall be saved
By an unlikely Band
So be assured
When the time is near
Ghosts and ghouls
Will all quake in fear
When night falls
All the undead will cower
Trembling in awe
Come the witching hour
As armed with sacks
Our great costumed army
Will roam the streets
To drive the evil spirits barmy
So to protect yourselves
Keep a proper payment handy
When the costumed army
Come knocking for some candy
- Paul Curtis
How many light bulbs
Does it take to screw a shrink?
Oh, got it backwards.
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
