When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.