“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner