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Workers Jokes

Quotes
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
Marriage Puns
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
Orange Puns
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Vaccine Puns
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Bee Puns
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Puns
I threw a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
The Young Priest's First Job
Josh was excited. As his first official duty as a parish priest, fresh out of school, he got to officiate his first funeral for a homeless man with no friends or family. The young priest vowed to give him the most loving send-off, the love he probably missed in this life. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery across town and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. New to the area, Father Josh arrived late, but noticed a few workers gathering around the grave opening. The young and enthusiastic priest poured out his heart and soul as he gave his sermon and recited the prayers. His voice was so evocative and powerful that he brought the cemetery workers to tears. When the service was over, the priest thanked the workers for listening and walked to his car. As he opened the door, Josh heard one worker say to the other, “I've never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for over 20 years!"
How to Get the Day Off Work
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"