Kgb Jokes

Years ago, the CIA, the Mossad and the KGB were tasked to find a rabbit in a dense forest as a friendly competition between agencies. The CIA, returns with a rabbit in 24 hours, explaining that they'd used an array of satellites pinpointing the location of the rabbit in record time. The Mossad returns with a rabbit in 48 hours, stating that they'd used a network of informants and ground operatives to locate the rabbit with a fraction of the cost. The KGB agents return after 5 days with a giant bear. Surprised and bemused, the other parties laugh and say to the KGB that they were supposed to bring back a rabbit! The KGB agents replied: "This is a rabbit, ask it for yourself if you don't believe us." As they all turn towards the bear. The bear glances at the KGB agents fearfully and says: "I'm a rabbit."

It's Soviet Russia, 1978, and Rabinovich is woken up by a knock on the door. Rabinovich: "Who's there?" A firm voice responds: "Post office. Please open." Rabinovich opens the door and is unsurprised to find Two KGB agents standing there. One of them is holding an envelope. KGB officer 1: "Tell us, Comrade Rabinovich, what is the best government system in the world?" Rabinovich: "Why, Communism." KGB officer 2: "And what country has the best living standards?" Rabinovich: "The Soviet Union, of course." Officer 1: "And what constitution is the best at protecting the rights of the citizens?" Rabinovich: "The Soviet Constitution, Comrades." Officer 2: "Then do you mind explaining to us, Comrade Rabinovich, why you have recently filed a request to emigrate to France?" Rabinovich: "Well, I heard that over there, they don't deliver the mail in the middle of the night."

An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, MI6 and KGB. The MI6 team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later. "As far as we can determine, the remains are about 600,000 years old." Not to be outdone by the MI6, the CIA goes in and comes out about 8 hours later. "The remains are approximately 615,550 years old. This is what we have been able to determine with our superior forensics technology." Before the CIA is even done giving their report, the 2 man KGB team is already making their way towards the cave with nothing but a gym bag one of them is holding. They enter the cave and make their way towards the remains. Soon after, sounds of shouting, swearing and banging start coming out of the cave and they don't let up for 2 whole days. When the KGB forensics team finally leaves the cave, they are dirty and disheveled, their clothes ripped and their tools are damaged. "So, the remains are 623,118 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old." Amazed and dumbfounded, the archeologists and other forensics teams ask how they could possible determine the age of the remains to such an exact date. The KGB agents look knowingly at each other and one of them says: "He confessed."