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Insurance Jokes

Rock Puns
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Orange Puns
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Garden Puns
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Drugstore Pick Up Lines
Girl, you're so expensive, my insurance is requiring prior authorization before our first date.
Romantic Pick Up Lines
I was so amazed by your beauty that I had to run to the wall over there. So, I need to get your number and name to claim my insurance.
One Liners and Short Jokes
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
Pick Up Lines
Good thing I just bought term life insurance … because I saw you and my heart stopped!
Funny Poems
There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away,
His insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never really died.
An Ounce of Brain
A man is lying in the hospital, waiting to be the first person in history to receive a brain transplant. A doctor comes in and says "Congratulations! But unfortunately since this is a new procedure your insurance isn't going to cover it all. So we're going to give you 3 choices for brains and you can decide which you can afford." "Okay, what are they?" Says the man to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, first there's engineer brain, that's $100 an ounce. Then there's astrophysicist brain, that'll cost you $200 an ounce. Finally there's politician brain. That's the most expensive at $1000 an ounce." The man looks at the doctor, surprised. "That's absurd! Why is the politician brain so expensive?" The doctor turns to him and says "Sir, do you have any idea how MANY politicians it takes to get an ounce of brain?!?"
Water Sports Pick Up Lines
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran my boat into yours. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
What Did You Do on Earth?
Three people die; a doctor, school teacher, and the head of a large insurance company. When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the doctor, "what did you do on Earth?" The doctor replied, "I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free." St. Peter told the Doctor, "You may go in." St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, "I taught educationally challenged children." St. Peter then told her "You may go in." St. Peter asked the third man, "What did you do?" The man raised his head and replied, "I ran a large insurance company." "You may go in..." said St. Peter. The man happily walks forward when St. Peter adds: "for 3 days."