Grandson Jokes

On a hot afternoon, Scrooge the miser and his grandson, Tim, were walking home from a party. Tim complains, "Gramps, it's still a long way back to our house. It's hot and I'm tired. Look, there's a bus stop here. Can we please take the bus home?" Scrooge is aghast. "It'll cost us six dollars to get home from here! What a waste of money! We'll walk it." Tim sighs, but he's a good kid, and doesn't fuss about it. They barely walk a few feet, when Scrooge sees a passing taxi and hails it. "How much would you charge to take us home to Springfield Avenue?", Scrooge asks the cab driver. "Springfield Avenue? Around twenty bucks.", says the driver. "Oof! That's too much. We won't be requiring your services, thank you." The cab drives off. Tim turns to his grandfather, exasperated. "Did you *really* think that a taxi to Springfield Avenue would cost less than a bus ride?", he asks, incredulously. "Don't be ridiculous, of course not.", Scrooge scoffs. "Then why did you bother flagging down the taxi, Gramps?!" "Foolish boy! We would've saved $6 by not taking the bus, now we're saving $20 by not taking the taxi!"

Infinite loop is a computer programming concept, describing a situation of cause and effect that continues forever, one action causing another action that causes the first action etc. etc. These loops never happen in real life, unless... A company CEO tells his secretary: "Next week we're going to a convention abroad and spend some quality time together, please make all the required arrangements." The secretary calls her husband: "Next week the boss is taking me abroad for a week on business, please take care of yourself during this time." The husband calls his lover: "My wife is going abroad for a week, lets spend it together..." The lover, a private school teacher, tells the children: "Because of a personal problem, I will not be at school next week, so you'll be studying at home." One of the kids went to his grandfather and said: "Grandpa, next week I don't have school, you promised me that if I had time off we'd go to the mountains together." The grandfather, who was also the CEO, calls his secretary and tells her: "My grandson asked me to spend the week with him, so we're not going abroad." The secretary calls her husband: "The boss cancelled, we'll be together, my love." The husband calls his lover: "We can't spend the week together, my wife is staying." The lover tells the kids: "My problem was solved, school is back on." The kid goes to the grandfather: "Sorry grandpa, school is back on, I won't be able to go." The CEO calls his secretary: "My grandson won't be able to spend next week with me, rebook the flight abroad." The secretary calls her husband....

The eaglets were preparing to leave the nest and fly out into the world when their grandfather happened by. He perched on the side of the nest to wish them well. The eaglets asked what grandfather liked to eat most. "That'd have to be salmon, or maybe trout. Oh, one day soon you'll find out!" A granddaughter asked, "What do you usually eat?" "Rabbits are always good, and squirrels, you've seen squirrels?" "Sure, we see a lot, running around on the branches." "Keep an eye out, because those are tasty." Said the grand old eagle. "An eagle-eye," a smart-mouthed grandson said, and was immediately smacked. The granddaughter asked, "Birds, what about birds, do we eat those?" "Well some, sure. Seagulls, those are fine, and pretty easy to catch." Answered the great eagle. A grandson asked, "There's a big white bird with long legs, it lives by rivers and streams, do you know? Do you eat those?" "I think you mean egrets?" his grandfather asked. "That's right, egrets, have you eaten a lot of those?" "Egrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention."