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Cry Jokes

Orange Puns
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Food Quotes
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
River Puns
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Funny Birthday Poems
Don't fret because
you're one year older.
But if you need
a caring shoulder
Mine's right here,
So have a cry.
Although I can't
imagine why?
You're aging
gracefully, you know?
And getting wiser
as you go.
Little Johnny and the Hammer
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother, concerned at her boy's tears, asked, "What’s the matter little Johnny?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb bang on with the hammer!" said little Johnny through his tears. His mother was touched by the boy's sensitivity, but didn't like seeing him cry. "That’s not so serious." She tried to soothe him. "Now I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. That's something to laugh about." "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
Friendship Quotes
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
Onion Puns
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
The Old Switcheroo...
George came home from University in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not!", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" George showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, George has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It was your idea in the first place" her husband said. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of George."