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Can Jokes

The Old Lady Shoplifter
An old lady gets caught shoplifting. On court day the lady and her husband who goes stand before the judge and she says to her, "Why did you shoplift?" And she says "I was hungry." The judge says "What did you take?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge thinks on this and comes to a decision. "How many peaches where in the can?" "Six." says the old lady. "Then you shall serve six days in jail." Decrees the judge. "Do you have anything to add?" "Ah, your honor?" Her husband suddenly raises his hand. "She stole a can of peas too."
Christian Pick Up Lines
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
I can get you off the Naughty List.
Can you hold my gloves for a second? I usually warm them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
Easter Pick Up Lines
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines
I can give you something to really be thankful about!
4th of July Pick Up Lines
They can prohibit my alcohol, you intoxicate me enough.
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
I'm a man without a country. Can I be a citizen of you?
Clothes Pick Up Lines
Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
I can’t find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?
Hey pumpkin – I bet I can put a smile on your face.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."