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Buy Jokes

What to Do With a Dead Horse
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days. A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died." Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already." Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?" Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle a dead horse!" Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?" Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece and made a profit of $2495." The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back."
A Snail On a Mission
A bear, a moose, a fox, a wolf and a snail were playing cards around a table. Suddenly, the bear let out a faint roar and said: “Guys, I’m hungry. Could someone go buy some chocolate, or whatever?” The moose shook his head and nodded towards the fox, who irritatingly slammed his little paw on the table and muttered: “Why me? Why can’t the wolf do it?” But the snail bravely interrupted the conversation, before it got out of hand: “Guys, guys! There’s no reason to fight. I’ll go.” The bear smiled a little and handed the snail a few, rolled-up dollars from his pockets: “Thanks, man. I appreciate it. While you’re at it, buy something to drink, will ya?” The snail winked, grabbed the money and briskly started to make his way out the door. Half an hour went by... An hour... An hour and a half... Almost two hours... At last, the bear snapped, dropped his cards to the floor and yelled: “Hey, you know what? I think the little bastard took the money and just left!” A small yet fierce scream then came from near the door: “If you’re gonna start insulting me, I’m not leaving at all!”
Easter Pick Up Lines
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
Garden Quotes
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dime for every time I saw a BMW turn without signaling, I could buy a BMW.
If I had a dollar for every time I was planning to go on a diet, I’d be able to buy a treadmill I’d never use.
4th of July Pick Up Lines
Baby, I didn't buy any fireworks this year, because you're the only one who lights up my sky.
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
Space Pick Up Lines
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
The Beatles Pick Up Lines
Money can't buy me love but it can buy you a drink
Food Quotes
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
Friendship Quotes
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
— Unknown
Classic Pick Up Lines
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Garden Puns
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.