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Best Jokes

Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Does your Dad own Snapple, because you're made of the best stuff on earth?
Friendship Quotes
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
“I don’t have a lot of friends but I have the best friends because I choose quality over quantity.”
— Unknown
"I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends."
— Unknown
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
— Unknown
“God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.”
— Unknown
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
The Best Bar in the World
Three guys are drinking at a bar and talking about their favorite bars. The first guy says, 'As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.' 'Well,' said the second man, "At my local in London , the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.' "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the third guy, 'Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!' The first two guys lift their eyebrows in suspicion. 'Yea right,' says the first guy, 'there is no bar that good.' The man swore every word was true. Then the second man asked, 'Come ON, be real. Did this actually happen to you?' 'Well. Not to me, personally, no.' admitted the man, "But it did happen to my sister quite a few times."
Christian Pick Up Lines
I don't have a Christmas list, cuz you're already the best gift.
Movie Pick Up Lines
The best Sunday I can think of?
You, me, Netflix, and mimosas with no pants on.
Oh sorry, I meant bottomless mimosas.