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Bath Jokes

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
First you got an alligator.

Next came a giraffe.

Lions ride your elevator,

bears hide in your bath.

Bunnies,

chimps,

(a duck?),

raccoons.....

run amok through all your rooms!

Soon, if you don't set them free - there will be no room for me!

(Lycia Harding)
Shower Puns
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Ghost Puns
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
The Wife's On a Winning Streak
One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper." The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub!" He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet!"
Onion Puns
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
How Lucky Can One Gal Get?
My wife comes in with a brand new bag, looked expensive. Me: "Honey I see you got a new Gucci bag, where'd you get it?" Wife: "My boss and I bought a lottery ticket together and won! I bought the bag with my half of the winnings." *next day wife comes home with new, fancy sunglasses. Me: "Wow those are elegant sunglasses you have on today. Where did you get them?" Wife: "My boss and I spent some of our leftover winnings on another ticket and won again! Used my half of the winnings to treat myself again." *the 3rd day wife drives home in new Ferrari Me: "Let me guess...you and your boss won the lottery again?" Wife: "Yes!! Isn't our luck just so unbelievable right now?? All of this winning has wiped me out mentally. Could you do me a huge favor and fill the bath for me so I can relax?" Me: "Anything for you, dear." *Wife comes up to see the bathtub filled with only an inch or two of water. Wife: "Honey how is this gonna work... You need to fill it with way more water than this." Me: "We don't want to get your lottery ticket wet now do we?"