The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
Joke: Come On, Honey...
A newlywed steps out of the shower and is promptly asked to pose for a nude photo by her husband. She wants one of him in return...
Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
When a doctor is tasked with fixing a rabbi's mangled manhood, he explains that there's a variation in price depending on the size...
This Joke Starts With a Man Working Late
A businessman works late to be with his young secretary, but eventually makes his way home. He begins to think up his excuses...
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
A man's penis just starts to grow with no end to the growth in sight. He soon resorts to seeking out a urologist...
Funny: Wedding Days Aren't Supposed to Go Like This...
These weddings didn't quite go quite as planned...they'll crack you up!
Classic Comedy: My Blackberry Is Broken!
This is one of our favorite comedy sketches of all times!
These One-Panel Comics are Devilishly Clever
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-panel comics by cartoonist Ian Boothby.
Whoever Created These Funny Signs Deserves a Pay Raise!
These hilarious business signs will definitely tickle your funny bone.
HILARIOUS: These Pets are Real Drama Queens!
Just like humans, some pets throw tantrums when they want attention. Just look at these 12 hilarious four-legged drama queens.
Jerry Lewis at His Funniest: Best Comedy Scenes
Enjoy some of the best comedy scenes of Jerry Lewis.
FUNNY: These Fake App Ideas Are Pure Genius!
These fake app features are wacky… But we want them!
14 Crazy Things That Could Only Happen in One Country...
14 photos of things that you could only find in Russia. These will bring a smile to your face.
Funny Sketch! If He Doesn't Know the Answer, Why Not Pass?
Eric and Ernie are like chalk and cheese. While one plays it straight, the other is all over the place. Do you remember this legendary Mastermind sketch?
These Funny Bird Pictures Will Make You Laugh
We wanted to make you laugh with these crazy bird photos.
Funny Photos: These Delivery Men Have an Odd Way of Working
We all enjoy getting a package in the mail, don't we? It's not always so straightforward though. These 20 delivery fails well have you laughing out loud.
20 Absurd Signs That Will Crack You Up!
Expect plenty of giggles, a few very questionable but still fun signs, and an abundance of clean jokes!
Hilarious: The Wackiest Car Designs I've Ever Seen...
These car owners sure know how to make their vehicles stand out on the streets.
Hold Up, What's Actually Happening Here? 12 Confusing Pics
These pictures aren’t what they seem…
Funny Jokes: And then the Fight Started...
The jokes in this collection all have a common theme - how to start a fight with your spouse!
The Empty Car Drive Through Prank!
Some people come up with the silliest pranks, but what do we care, we're the ones who get to laugh out loud at the bewilderment of these drive through workers, as a car driven by a ghost goes to collect its order...
20 Hilarious Comics Filled With Wit, Fun, and Humor!
These hilarious comic strips by legendary cartoonist Mark Parisi are guaranteed to make you chuckle.
These Punny Illustrations Will Give You a Good Chuckle
Enjoy this collection of illustrated puns by artist Teo Zirinis.
Laughter Guaranteed: 15 Uproarious Classical Art Memes
Who would have thought that classical art pieces can make you cackle with laughter?
You'd Think These Hilarious Signs Wouldn't Be Needed!
Whoever decided to put these hilarious signs up was clearly intent on having a laugh.
What On Earth Were People Thinking When They Did This???
People can get things horribly wrong even when they only have one job. These 27 "you had one job" fails are utterly hilarious.
Hilarious: A Most Unusual Sermon!
Rowan Atkinson, the famous comedian, gives a sermon the likes of which you've never heard...
Laugh Out Loud at These 15 Hilarious Bumper Stickers
Laugh out loud at these hilarious bumper stickers.
HILARIOUS: The Office Can Be a Funny Place!
Four short and funny jokes about office and business situations!
Hilarious: 16 of the FUNNIEST DIY Repair Jobs!
These ridiculously funny DIY fixes will crack you up!
Dogs vs. Their Greatest Enemy: The Bath...
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
Hilarious: Animal Comedy is Never Wasted!
This video contains a compilation of funny animal moments.
These Illustrated Pet Confessions Just Got Me Laughing
These pet confessions show what your pets are really thinking about, with a great dose of humor!
I Love Reading These Funny Lines!
There's a grain of truth in every joke. And even as we laugh, the humor helps us remember some truths. Of course, sometimes a funny line... is just a funny line!
Classic Comedy: Charlie Chaplin at the Factory
Enjoy this hilarious scene from the iconic Charlie Chaplin movie, 'Modern Times'.
Enjoy a Laugh with 30 Mouth-Watering Food Puns
Hungry for some laughs? Then you will love these hilarious food puns.
Laugh Out Loud at These 15 Epic Design Fails
When it comes to terrible ideas, the human race often ends up coming out on top as these photos prove!
These Truly Outrageous Sights Can Only be Found in Russia!
If you're a huge fan of all things weird and wonderful, then there's no better place for you to visit than Russia. Here's why...
Funny: Best of Paranormal Pranks!
Get prepared to meet vampires, monsters and scary things as you laugh out loud!
What On Earth Is the EMT Doing to That Boy!? (Funny)
This hilarious prank sees an injured boy and an EMT pretending to close a wound on the boy's leg using a stapler. Watch people fall for it now!
Zoos Share Funny Amazon-Style Takes on Their Animals
What if animals got Amazon-style reviews?
This Prank Starts With a Remote Controlled Car...
This prank starts with a remote controlled car and an old man in on the prank!
15 Funny Signs That Are Unintentionally HILARIOUS
These signs had the right intentions, but something went terribly wrong…
Hilarious These Silly Signs Made Me Laugh!
19 funny signs that were written on purpose to be hilarious and witty.
The Singing Pug That Cannot Run - Hilarious!
Loca is a very lucky pug living in Ireland. With a loving family and lots of space to run outdoors, it's a great life. But Luca isn't very good at running, due to a non-harmful brain disorder. It's the only way it affects her, and she doesn't seem to
18 Pics Captured EXACTLY at the Right Moment…
Here's a collection of amusing and interesting pictures that signify what perfect timing is all about.
The Most Hilarious Car Bumper Stickers Ever...
Here are some of the most hilarious car bumper stickers ever.