Funny Nature & Travel Art & Stage Going Viral Science Greetings Inspirational

Edit Profile Recently Viewed Favorites

Main > Funny > Humor

A Trilogy of Great Dirty Jokes

Edited By: Shai K.

Font Size:

A+ A-

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow."

"Relax honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her, "It will all be OK."

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked. "I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon."

After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"

"What is it?" she cried excitedly.

"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.

At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10

seconds."

"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously.

"Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?"

"Very good! Four seconds."

"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."

"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!!"

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hat pin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hat pin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hat pin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

An ambassador from a small African nation visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.

The African ambassador was impressed with the courageous game and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette". He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.

The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Anyone of them will give you oral sex, take your pick".

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador whispered in his ear:

"One of them's a cannibal."

Cover image courtesy of Ambro / freedigitalphotos.net

Scroll below for more funny jokes!

Like Next Post Send Share WhatsApp

Copy Link

Did you mean:

Continue With: Facebook Google

By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy

Report copyright infringement

Print this content

Jokes and Puns:

Puns & One Liners Animal Jokes Religion Jokes Family Jokes Police Jokes Senior Jokes Cheating Jokes Blond Jokes

You may also like:

Humor

25 More Pet Jokes Courtesy of Hilarious Veterinary Clinics

These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!

Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!

Humor

This Joke Starts With Mrs. Jones Talking to a Minister

A hilarious joke about proper church behavior...

Humor

95 Hilariously Bad Jokes That Are So Lame They're Good!

Sometimes Lame Jokes Are Actually Quite Hilarious...

Sometimes what seems like a bad joke can actually be pretty hilarious in the right context, and here are 95 of such lame jokes.

Humor

Polish is As Polish Does! - Laugh Out Loud!

These Polish Short Jokes Are Hilarious

When we say Polish, we don't mean people from Poland! We all know these 'Polish' people, who always complain but never do anything about it, who always nag and never seem to be happy. Enjoy this collection of hilarious 'Polish' jokes!

Humor

How Many Letters Do You Have to Your Name, Sir?

Joke: The Odd Driver

When a cop pulls over a man for speeding, little does he know what he's in for...

Humor

These Punny Opposites Are Absolutely Hilarious!

If silly puns are your cup of tea, then we've got one heck of a treat in store for you!

Design & Photography

This is What Storms On Other Planets Actually Look Like!

These Planetary Storm Photos Will Blow You Away

These planetary storm photos will blow you away.

Humor

This Thanksgiving, Laughter is on the Menu, Not Just Food!

These Thanksgiving Jokes Are Better Than the Turkey!

This Thanksgiving, serve up some laughter with these jokes and puns.

Send Comment

Related Topics: funny, hilarious, jokes, dirty jokes, Russian

Quizzes

Spelling Marathon

Do you have the endurance and knowledge to make it through to the finish line and spell all these words?

A Cracker of a Spelling Test

From common words to a few trickier ones, it’s time to see how sharp your spelling is!

Which Era of Art Matches You?

Take this quiz to explore which of these six art movements resonates most with you—and uncover the era that speaks to your personality, values, and creative spirit.